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One of my favourite adventures from 2009 – ‘Danny Devine’ is back on the market – so get in contact

Here’s an old blog i just found that never got posted and which acts as a good reminder of why you should never  wholly trust the media. It’s been pretty obvious that revenge was going to be had for ‘Tillygate‘. Strathclyde police have been seething after we caught them trying to bribe one of our Plane Stupid activists into spying on the group. But the weapon designed to strike the killing blow – the Mail on Sunday – misfired rather spectacularly.

And in true James Bond style we’ve got the recording to prove it. Click this – dan-mail-01. We fully expect the aviation industry and the right-wing press to continue such ridiculous under-handed tactics as they still dream of their airport expansion dick-extension projects, so this is why it’s important to expose them.

First things first: a confession (or sorts). I’ve was working for Cavendish Knights, a non-sexual male escort agency. I accompany well-heeled ladies to business conferences and lunches. It’s good work – I like talking to people – and it helped me pay back my many thousands of pounds of student loans. It’s a reputable business, which has featured in such venerable journalistic outlets as… the Daily Mail.

So I met up with Jane, who described herself as a recent divorcee. She wanted me to accompany her to educational conferences abroad: in Madrid, Brussels or South Africa. I was happy to, but wasn’t prepared to fly. We discussed sending me by Eurostar and the difficulties of getting to Jo’burg without flying. Although she hinted a couple of times, I made it perfectly clear: I won’t be joining the Mile High Club. Not for love, and certainly not for money.

She called me back. She wasn’t a client now, but a journalist, for the Mail. They were running an expose on me. I told her I was worried: we both knew I’d refused to fly, but the Mail is more renowned for ‘creative’ stories about celebrities and imigrants than attention to fact or detail. She assured me they wouldn’t make anything up. I didn’t believe her (she’d already lied to me once), so made sure I recorded the conversation.

Which turned out to be a good thing in hindsight, because splashed across the paper was exactly what I feared: a hatchet job about how I was prepared to sod the climate so long as I got paid enough. She’d got her story, but I had my recording… and the phone number of some lawyers. Because Jane, when you make things up about people, and print it in the paper, it’s called libel, and I get to sue the pants off you.

Figuratively, not literally, of course. This was, after all, a non-sexual escorting job.

Dan Glass is available for barmitzvahs, dinner, conferences and all good children’s parties. Contact Cavendish Knights for details.